i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
