i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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