I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
