The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
