do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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