I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
