gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
