listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
