Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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