just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
