doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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