is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I could fuck to npr.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Randomize
