But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
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