My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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