Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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