I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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