oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
