you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
pray to the hookup gods
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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