Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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