you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
You left your phone here
Wait...
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
