Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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