Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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