These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
