OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
jump out the window naked night went bad
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