We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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