Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
