she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I've blown a few things in my day
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
