first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
