Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
