i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
