Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
