I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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