we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
