im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
