We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
