It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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