He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
