Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
