break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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