i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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