had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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