I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
