She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
