LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
