I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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