Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He shit in the fireplace
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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