I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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