he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
