How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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