She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
